Lindsay (00:00)
When things feel really challenging in your relationship or in your marriage, it can be really hard to feel joy, to feel happy, to be in a good mood, because the state of our relationship has such a great ripple effect on everything in our lives. And I remember in the really hard days in my relationship, it impacted absolutely everything. I would sometimes call in sick to work because I just, you know.
lost sleep because I was ruminating or I was just in such a down mood. I would not show up for family events because I was feeling really low or really sad or we just argued, Or I just wasn't going through the day experiencing the world in the way that I wanted to experience it because I felt so weighed down from what was going on in our relationship. And it's really, really common for people to think, and I thought this as well,
That if things were better in our marriages, in our relationships, then we'll feel happier, we'll be able to experience the world in the way that we want to, we'll be more joyful. And of course, that's probably true. If things are happier in your relationship, it's going to have this positive ripple effect. And we actually can create the happiness and joy and good feelings, even when things are really challenging in our relationships. We don't have to wait until things get better.
We get to create that feeling within ourselves.
I am Lindsay. This is Loving with a Digin. Let's just dive right in because this is such a great topic. And I recently talked about it with a client, and then I brought it to my weekly momentum calls. So that is my anonymous group coaching calls, and the doors are closed to that program right now. But if you are not on my mailing list, grab the free roadmap in the show notes. And not only can you dive into the 17-page free guide that will give you a personalized plan.
For how to make huge change in your relationship. But also you'll be on my mailing list, so you'll be the first to know when the doors to momentum open. It is completely anonymous. We gather on Zoom once a week. Everybody but me has their audio, their video off. I label everybody as anonymous one, two, three, four, five.
And we just get to dive into relationships. They get to ask questions. I work through tools. And there are people who only watch the replays because they are in different parts of the world and they are not getting up at 4 a.m. to join Momentum. So they watch the replays and they get huge benefits. So definitely keep your eyes peeled for that. And I want to talk about one of the things that we talked about in Momentum this week, related to feeling joy, even when things feel hard in your relationship. So one of the things that we can do.
I talk about reunions and departures and how important that is as a connection ritual in your relationship. So the reunions and departures are your hellos, your goodbyes, your good mornings, your good nights. Anytime you know you check in on the phone, like even if you just have a quick phone call with your spouse in the day, how you start and end all of these interactions, those pieces stand out to your brains really, really big.
So, for example, maybe you quickly phone your husband or your wife and you're like, work has been horrible today. That right there, that sets the tone for how the conversation is going to go. So maybe they agree and they say that work's been horrible too. And then maybe you have a nice little quick conversation in the middle, looking forward to seeing each other. And then you end the phone call and go, okay, I'm gonna get back to it. And they say the same thing. When you two both leave that phone call,
Your brain actually remembers the beginning and the end of the phone call more than what happened in the middle. And the beginning and the end, it was those negative things. So you're now primed to go back into the work day that already felt dreadful with more negative and dreadful feelings. So instead, if you had started that phone call with, hey, how's your day going? or I really appreciate that you made coffee this morning, or I'm really looking forward to seeing you at the end of the day.
And then maybe in the middle you talked about how work was hard. And then at the end of the phone call, you ended it with, I love you, I hope that things go well. Let's hope the day goes by super fast and then we get to have dinner together. Something like that. You are then primed, the book ends there, the hello and the goodbye, are primed with positivity. So now, even though there was that middle chat about the day not going well, you get to move into the day, primed with that positively, and it gets to have a riffle effect and actually shape the day moving forward.
Say with good mornings, the first time you see each other in the day, say with good nights, hello, goodbyes, all of that. So reunions and departures are so, so, so important. And I will make another full episode on that because it is, my gosh, it is a great connection ritual and it impacts us more than we know. And we also have reunions and departures with ourselves. So this is one of the things that we talked about in relation to cultivating joy, even if you're not feeling it in your relationship.
So when you wake up in the morning, that is a prime time for your brain to be super impressionable.
So if we think about hypnosis and being in that brain state and being super impressionable, impressionable, your brain is in a similar state when you are waking up. So in that moment, your thoughts are going to have a major ripple effect subconsciously in your entire day. And I shared the momentum call that there have been times in my life where when I woke up, my immediate feeling was a pit in my stomach and dread.
And my thoughts that followed, you know, the pit in my stomach, the dread, that's my nervous system. That pit, that's a nervous system cue that I'm dysregulated right upon waking. And the thoughts that follow that, because I am dysregulated, used to be things like, I don't want to get up, I don't want to do the day, I hate that I'm gonna be doing this, I wish I didn't have to do this. And that would literally prime my day, just like those reunions and departures with your spouse does, that would literally prime my day for negativity. And
I'm not even aware of that. I just know that I feel like crap when I get up in the morning. I don't realize that what just happened is going to make me feel even crappier.
So what we talked about on the call was getting really intentional about shifting those thoughts right when you wake up. So this is something that I have made a practice of in the past couple of years, and now it comes very, very easily. But when I first started, what it looked like was well, let's talk about what it looks like now. What it looks like now is the moment that I recognize that I am awake when my eyes are still closed, I just start saying thank you in my head. So thank you for this comfy blanket, thank you for this comfy pillow. I am so glad that I am in bed.
I appreciate the beautiful sun coming through the window, or I appreciate that I can hear the rain. Thank you for that beautiful smell of rain. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I am expressing gratitude, thanks, and appreciation in my mind right when I wake up. And I'm literally priming my body, my heart, my mind, my spirit, my subconscious for how I want to feel, what I want to carry into my day.
And that comes super easily now because I've done it so much, but in the beginning it didn't come as easily. I would still be waking up, and maybe it was that dread that I was experiencing for whatever reason in my life. We won't get into that. And maybe it was, you know, just maybe negative thinking, or maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was neutral, or it was right to the to-do list, or I would reach and grab my phone right away and start scrolling on Instagram.
And goodness knows you're going to see negative things on Instagram, whether you consciously pick up on them or not. So what I would do is make this the intention. And when I noticed it, I would switch into that thank you, that gratitude, that appreciation. So it didn't always happen right away. Maybe I was scrolling on my phone and then I would be like, shoot, I didn't do the thing. So I would put down my phone and choose to realign and recenter and make that the practice until it became the thing that I do right when I wake up.
That definitely took time. Sometimes there would be like days in between, probably weeks where I hadn't done it. And then I just recommitted to the process. And now it is a pattern. Just like brushing my teeth before bed every single night when I wake up, it is full gratitude, full appreciation. I also talked about on the call how I am going to add in now, leveling this up, making myself feel the appreciation. Sometimes it's kind of just like a list that I'm just saying, which is so great. And
If I really soak it up and feel that gratitude and feel that appreciation, I'm getting my body involved. I'm locking in that emotion with the thought, which then is literally rewiring my brain for more goodness. So that is something that I did this morning because the momentum call was last night. And this can set our day off in a great direction. And that might seem like, you know.
Something really small, it doesn't take very long. Can this really have this much of an impact? And I am here to tell you it absolutely can. And we get to start somewhere. I know for me, I don't know if this is true for you. Let me know. Shoot me a DM on Instagram, Love Me Not Without Intention, or email me. Let me know somehow if this is a pattern for you too, where I have this goal. So maybe the goal is that I want to feel more positive or I want to cultivate joy.
Myself. I want to find that in my body and in my life. And then I make these really big steps to get to that thing. So it's like, okay, so I'm gonna meditate for 15 minutes a day. I'm gonna make sure I'm gratitude journal for five minutes every night. I am going to send out three types a day of things that I appreciate. And now I just added in all of these things, and I'm so much more likely to not do them.
Because I've added so many things. I've created so many steps to get there. Instead, if we can just choose even one intention, then we can lean into that intention and we're so much more likely to do it because it's our one focus. Or, you know, it could be three smaller focuses and we can set alarms for this. So when my alarm goes off, my alarm is full of bright colored emojis and words like love or gratitude or joy or
I am so grateful or I am looking forward to this day or today is going to be a great day. So we can program in all of these things to remind us of the way that we want to feel and our goal
And our new happier habits that we are creating. So that is just one little snapshot. And like I said, I recommend starting with one small thing that you can do because this small thing is actually a freaking huge thing. And especially if things aren't feeling great in your marriage and you are doing the work to try to bring in these new healthy patterns. Maybe you're working on yourself, maybe you are
Really trying to pour into the love account and do positive things. Speak your spouse's love language. You're showing appreciation. If you prime yourself in the morning in this way, you are much more likely to be able to do those things and create even more joy. I love joy. Joy feels so good. There's so much more to this. We dove into a full tool, a full, I think we did 45 minutes of this on the momentum calls. So I definitely recommend keeping your eyes peeled for those calls.
Because we get to go deep and we get to do it together and we get to do it week after week, and it feels so good and it feels so exciting. And I was sharing with them last night when I got on the call, I was super tired. I had a full day of making YouTube videos, and I was just like locked in all day. And then we had our momentum call. And I was literally yawning like 15 times at the beginning of the call, and we were all laughing. I mean, they were writing in the chat because it is anonymous, but I was laughing halfway through the call.
Was so jacked, my energy felt so good. I was laughing, I was energized, I was joyful, I was excited, I was bouncing in my chair talking about joy, and that right there was just this living, breathing example of how our energy can shift so much based on our intention and what we are choosing to put in our brains and talk about. So just being around like-minded people last night.
And also talking about joy completely shifted my energy, raised my vibe. And that is what we get to do. And you can even do with this morning practice. So I would love to hear your thoughts on this. If you have been loving the podcast too, I would love if you would leave a five-star rating and review. It helps the pod reach more hearts and more minds. And we can just spread that ripple effect.
In the world, love ripples everywhere. I would appreciate it so much. Thank you so much for being here. I have sent so much love into your day, and just remember that nothing changes if nothing changes. So let us have a super intentional week. Bye.
